Ed. note: This is a weekly column by Elie Mystal, Managing Editor of Above the Law Redline. This space will focus on the laws that exist, should exist, and should be put out of their misery.

OVER-REGULATED

Oil That Funds Terrorism: Evil crackpot Zacarias Moussaoui, a former Al-Qaeda operative in prison because we caught him, claims that members of the Saudi royal family contributed heavily to terrorist organizations. With the kind of political uncertainty that results in the death of a king when your country still runs on the antiquated notion that kings can be a thing, and the fact that the Saudi government heavily relies on the worldwide demand for oil consumption, this testimony, if true, is intriguing news.

Except, it’s not really news if you understand how money works. Here’s a quick primer: I give you money. You give me something in exchange for the money. You then take the money that I gave you and do whatever the hell it is you want with it because it’s yours now. By giving you the money, I have renounced my right to control how you subsequently spend it.

Do some people use oil profits to fund terrorism? Sure! Probably! More so than pot, that’s for sure. Did particular Saudi princes use their oil money to fund terrorism? I don’t know. Would it make you feel better if I told you that they only used the money we gave them to buy prostitutes and Adam Sandler movies? Okay, go with that then. Either way, at some point somebody you give money to is gong to use it in a way that you don’t like. Bitch if you want to, but you had your choice and you bought what they were selling anyway.

For their part, Saudi officials deny the allegations:

“Moussaoui is a deranged criminal whose own lawyers presented evidence that he was mentally incompetent,” the statement said. “His words have no credibility.”

That’s kind of funny, because Moussaoui’s defense was that he was too insane to stand trial. SO the Justice Department can either believe that they have a crazy person who shouldn’t be in jail, OR they can believe they have deep intel into state-sponsored terrorism. Good times.

For the rest of us, I don’t know what to tell you. Drive a Prius if you don’t like terrorism? The global economy is going to do what the global economy does.

Islamist State Militants Capture Libyan Oil Field: No, but seriously, oil does fund terrorism tho…

The hardline Islamist militia that captured an oil field in central Libya is seeking an independent source of funds, said Mahmoud Jibril, leader of one of the North African nation’s biggest political parties.

“They are seeking a source of financing,” Jibril, the leader of the National Forces Alliance, said by phone from Cairo. “The same happened in Iraq and Syria,” he said, referring to the seizure by Islamic State militants of oil fields in those Middle Eastern countries. Islamic State, the group that burned alive a Jordanian pilot, says it’s punishing countries that joined the U.S.-led campaign to crush it.

I just don’t know exactly what we are supposed to do about that.

UNDER-REGULATED

Refineries: Steelworkers are going to the mattresses over safety conditions and money at refineries. Shell is representing the oil industry in these talks with the striking workers.

The union is seeking annual pay increases of 6 percent, double the size of those in the last agreement. It also wants work that has been given in the past to non-union contractors to start going to USW members, a tighter policy to prevent workplace fatigue and reductions in members’ out-of-pocket payments for healthcare.

In response, Shell has said: HAVE YOU SEEN OIL PRICES? OMG OMG. You’re lucky we don’t put you into the crude and sell it as biofuel.

You know, I never think that “profits are low” is a good response to “we need more health and safety.” Especially since “profits are high” never seems to result in “so here’s some more health and safety.” But then again, I buy gas and therefore don’t have a lot of control over what Shell does with my money.